August 30, 2008.
Early morning. Sun's just breaking through the windows. A rare Saturday. My wife is not at work today (truly rare). We haven't been bombarded by the kids (even rarer). Enjoying the silence. I watch her stir a little...eyes peak open...a slight smile. I take her hand...a kiss...small talk. Then, a grimace. More intense now. She's hugging her own abdomen. The blurriness flees. I sit up straight; alert. I can feel needles throughout my body. My stomach wrenches. "The baby?" I ask. A nod. Deep breathing. "Labor pains?" A shrug. Concern. It can't be. We're only 15 weeks. Dear God, please don't let it be! Pain fades. Take a breath. Calm down. Be confident; for her.
Driving fast! Irritated that Floridians drive slow in the LEFT lane. Hospital is too far away. Talking calmly; reassuringly. Dear God, please, "no."
Monitors. Ultrasounds. Conjecture. Opinions. Noise. Chaos. "Squeeze my hand." Try to relax. Breathe. Dear God, please, "no."
Waiting down the hall. Hurting. It's so late. Tired. Drained. What could be taking so long? "Mr. Sanborn, she's awake now."
Tears. A hug. Hold her hand. More tears. No words. Be strong. Dear God, why? This little one gone. Just like last year. What'll we do? What to say? Hurt. Tears. Sad. Empty. Loss.
1) I am thankful that God is sovereign over all things.
2) I am thankful that "children are a blessing from God."
3) I am thankful that God lets us participate in His creative attributes, especially
in procreation.
4) I am thankful to hug and kiss and hold two of my beautiful children everyday.
5) I am grateful that Jesus hugs and kisses and holds two of my beautiful children
every "day" in Heaven.
6) I am thankful for the peace that surpasses all understanding that guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
7) I am thankful that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing" has become so
blatantly true in my life in the person of Sarah.
8) I am grateful that "all good gifts come down from my Father of Lights, in whom
there is no variation."
4 comments:
Thank you, Rob. God has been so good to us through this ordeal. You never completely "get over it," but The Lord Jesus Christ really is the Great Physician who binds our wounds. It really is a mystery to me how the unsaved world survives grief without Him.
I too often wonder about the unsaved world coping with such losses. It is so good to have hope!
I hope that you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving!
Blessings
I thank God for the two little angels on earth and the ones watching over them in heaven. Love you guys!
Thanks Beck. We love you, too! We truly are blessed with Jackson and Hannah.
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