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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Irreconcilable Differences (Part 2)


In part one, I laid out what I believe are the four main reasons that divorces occur. They are: failure to take the covenant/permanent nature of marriage seriously, sexual sin, unkindness/meanness, and an improper focus on money.

I wrapped up by stating that one or both of the marriage partners are guilty of at least one of these things when divorce occurs. Also, I stated that the only hope for avoiding these pitfalls is a genuine, committed, and growing, relationship with Jesus Christ.

Now I have reached the point I have been aiming at from the beginning of these two posts.

You; the child of the parent(s) who failed at marriage. Mine are together, so I must be honest and tell you that I am not speaking from experience. I am close to many people who have experienced this in their lives. It is tragic. You feel devastated. You never wanted this to happen, but no one really asked your opinion. I've met kids who are emotionally distraught all of the time; some who cut themselves, others who are just angry and never seem to enjoy anything. Still others who hide behind jokes to mask the pain. You wonder why no one seems to understand that your world collapsed, while everyone goes on with business as usual.

Imagine seeing a naked, alone, starving (nearly to death) child at the mall. You see him too weak to even cry out for help. You feel compelled to help. This is urgent. He's all alone. He's so sad looking. He needs food, and clothes, and love. This is important. This is a huge tragedy. Now supposed you saw a child like him everywhere you went, everyday, all the time.



I pray to God that I would never become calloused to those kids.

However, divorce is a huge tragedy. Kids are often the collateral damage. But our society commits these tragedies so often that we see it as normal. (Just another starving child--what time's lunch?)

Divorce is NOT normal. What you are feeling about your parents' divorce is a natural response. God designed marriage to be permanent, and the home was to be the safe-haven for children to be nurtured and to grow up gradually in the security of the family. But, now the family is fractured, the security is gone, and you had to grow up fast to the reality of the sinfulness of the world. I am sorry for you. This was never supposed to happen.

The pain runs deep, and sadly, it's more complex than being hungry. We can feed a hungry child, and clothe him. I cannot so easily alleviate the pain of divorce. In fact, I can't do it at all. But please, read a little further.

There is hope in Jesus Christ. Jesus did not come primarily to meet our emotional needs. So please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that if you turn to Christ that all of your pain will go away. Or, that your dream of having a whole family again will come true. I really couldn't promise you that.

You have learned a very hard lesson at a very expensive price. Here it is: Everything you trust in (EVERYTHING), will eventually let you down... because of sin. Money, success, sports, beauty, friends, boy/girlfriend, even parents. All of them will fail you if your hope is in them. Jesus said that all whom the Father brings to Him He will never cast out. He said He is with us always, even to the end of the age. He said He will never leave us nor forsake us. Jesus is trustworthy, dependable, pure, sinless.

I am not minimizing your hurt. But, you cannot change your parents' decisions. If any good is to come of this situation, let it be that God used this circumstance in your life to help you realize that you need Jesus Christ....To save you from divorce? No, from your own sinfulness. From the wrath of God toward your sin. Turn from your sin. Repent. Turn to Jesus to save you. In Him you will find faithful love. In Him you will find peace for your soul. In Him, you will find life everlasting. By His Spirit, you will find strength to endure.

Perhaps you're saying, I am a follower of Jesus. Praise God! Christian, ask God's help to forgive your mom and/or dad for what their sin did to you. Ask Him to help you relinquish your anger. Ask for help to honor an obey your parents(assuming you still live with them), so that Jesus will be glorified in you in the midst of this difficult situation. I am praying for you, too. If not by name, then by category.

May the peace of God guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Love and grace to all who know too well what I am talking about.

4 comments:

SandMan said...

I know this subject is heavy... especially at Christmastime. The next few will be light.

Rob Peck said...

Jason,
I am divorced. My 13 y/o son has lived with me for the last year and a half. I apprecaite this series of posts. I hope and pray that someday my x will be my xx to God's glory.

Pray for my fam if you can find the time Bro. I see God working in Nancy's life.

My divorce is a long story but one of victory because of the grace that God has shown me.

I will have a post soon on a conversation I had with my son the other day about his memories of his mother and I.

Thanks for this bro. Hurts but it is good.

SandMan said...

Hey Rob,

I am not as succinct as the fellas over there at Pyro. Because of the length of these posts I felt like I could not say everything I wanted to. One of those things was about the redemption that Jesus brings even to a broken marriage. I am sorry for the pain your family has gone through... sounds like you are doing all that you should in the circumstance. I WILL pray for you and your son. Thank you for the comment. I was starting to think that maybe it is time to hang up the blog... maybe I'll keep going for a while longer.

Rob Peck said...

If it is any encouragement I have been blessed by your writings and thoughts.
Have a very blessed Christmas!

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